I have never considered myself to be much of a hypocrite. Last week I spent most of the week at home in Dayton because I was sick. In between doctor’s appointments I was able to spend some time in reflection about the week before. In addition, I attended service at the Miller Lane campus of Stillwater UMC (my home church).
Stillwater is currently doing a series on “Stupid Christians” and last week was on hypocrites. Marie Smith gave an example from her life when it was apparent that she was being a hypocrite. She has always preached and taught on living in community. She has also always been willing to fill the needs of many people in the community with a loving and open heart. In this story, however, the roles were reversed. Someone had offered to help Marie with a need that they noticed she had and she immediately turned them away by telling them that the help wasn’t needed. It was in this moment that someone pulled Marie aside and “ripped her mask off”. This person told Marie that she has always taught others to live in community and care for each other but as soon as someone tried to care for her, she didn’t practice what she was preaching. Essentially, she was being a hypocrite.
I have always been that person too. I’m never too busy or too tired to help someone in need. It doesn’t matter if that need is food and shelter, or a hug and a smile. But when others try to help me, to be there for me, I’m always the first person to turn them away. Before Marie’s sermon I always thought that was a good thing, now I know differently.
See, the week prior to this, the week of July 12th, the ’09 interns went on the Seminary Tour. It was an amazing week but I’ll give my critiques about the trip as a whole in a separate post. Right now I really just want to talk about the last day. Unfortunately, I spent that day sick. That evening we spent some time at Tammy Jo’s house. She was kind enough to open her house for dinner and fellowship, and I did my best to enjoy it. But as I said, I didn’t feel well.
That night the group was staying at Sharonville UMC. Once we settled in to our respective sleeping quarters, most everyone gathered in the sanctuary for worship. I tried to appreciate the opportunity that I had been looking forward to all week but I needed to lie down. As I lay in the bed, trying to fall asleep, I was tossing and turning due to an irregular heartbeat and chest pains. I wasn’t sure if I should go to the hospital, so I began to pray. As I prayed and tried to calm down the pain kept getting worse. I decided that chest pain was nothing to take a chance with so I told Dave Allen about my pain and we decided that I should go to the hospital.
He sent Tammy Jo a text, hoping that she was still awake enough to hear her phone, asking her where the nearest hospital or urgent care was. I remember hearing him say, “Yes, it’s Tiffanie”. A few moments later he was off the phone and he told me she was on her way to take us to the hospital. As we waited, we prayed.
I remember Allyssa asking me if I wanted her to come. “I’ll go if you want me to”, she said. There was a part of me that wanted the comfort of a close friend, but I also knew we were all looking forward to spending as much time together as we could and that she loves music. I didn’t want her to miss out on the opportunity to worship with our friends. I told her that it was okay and that she should stay and maybe get some rest.
When Tammy Jo arrived, Dave and I hurried out to the car and Tammy Jo asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was really short of breath, felt nauseous and had a lot of chest pain. As she drove, she checked to see if I had a fever and kept asking questions about how I was feeling. Soon we arrived at the hospital.
The nurses gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack. The test was negative, so I waited and they put me in a room while they ran some tests. All night long Tammy Jo sat beside my bed. Every once in a while she would pace for a moment to help herself stay awake. She watched the heart monitor like it was her favorite soap opera (haha)! As I lay in the hospital, in a town I still couldn’t tell you the name of, I was scared. But my first thought, when I looked at Tammy Jo, was that this wonderful woman of God had spent the day preparing a space and a meal for sixteen people. If she wasn’t exhausted from that alone, it was now in the early morning hours of the following day and she was still awake. There was no doubt she was tired. I laid there convincing myself everything was going to be okay. I was in a hospital, right? Dave had gone to the waiting room to get some rest, so I told her she could go and rest too if she’d like. But she said she’d rather stay with me. Either way, I still felt bad that she was so tired. I thought maybe I should tell her that if she took Dave to get the car from the church she could go home and rest. As I turned and saw her sitting peacefully in the chair beside my bed, all I said was, “Thank you.” I knew that I was still scared and if she left I would feel alone. I wanted her to rest, but I needed her presence. In a moment of growth, I realized that I’m allowed to need people too.
When I heard Marie’s sermon on hypocrisy the lesson that God had for my life was solidified. I had been a hypocrite long enough. Sometimes people need you to be there for them, and that’s fine. Sometimes you need people to be there for you, and that’s okay too!
As I recovered in Dayton, I realized one other blessing God has provided me with during this experience. My mother passed away when I was fifteen. But because of His grace, His love, and His compassion for me surrounding my loss, He has never left me without a mother. When my mother first died, it was Michele. A couple of years later, it was Karen, Marie, and Malinda. And that night it was Tammy Jo.
In Christ,
