Hypocrite? Really?

I have never considered myself to be much of a hypocrite. Last week I spent most of the week at home in Dayton because I was sick. In between doctor’s appointments I was able to spend some time in reflection about the week before. In addition, I attended service at the Miller Lane campus of Stillwater UMC (my home church).

Stillwater is currently doing a series on “Stupid Christians” and last week was on hypocrites. Marie Smith gave an example from her life when it was apparent that she was being a hypocrite. She has always preached and taught on living in community. She has also always been willing to fill the needs of many people in the community with a loving and open heart. In this story, however, the roles were reversed. Someone had offered to help Marie with a need that they noticed she had and she immediately turned them away by telling them that the help wasn’t needed. It was in this moment that someone pulled Marie aside and “ripped her mask off”. This person told Marie that she has always taught others to live in community and care for each other but as soon as someone tried to care for her, she didn’t practice what she was preaching. Essentially, she was being a hypocrite.

I have always been that person too. I’m never too busy or too tired to help someone in need. It doesn’t matter if that need is food and shelter, or a hug and a smile. But when others try to help me, to be there for me, I’m always the first person to turn them away. Before Marie’s sermon I always thought that was a good thing, now I know differently.

See, the week prior to this, the week of July 12th, the ’09 interns went on the Seminary Tour. It was an amazing week but I’ll give my critiques about the trip as a whole in a separate post. Right now I really just want to talk about the last day. Unfortunately, I spent that day sick. That evening we spent some time at Tammy Jo’s house. She was kind enough to open her house for dinner and fellowship, and I did my best to enjoy it. But as I said, I didn’t feel well.

That night the group was staying at Sharonville UMC. Once we settled in to our respective sleeping quarters, most everyone gathered in the sanctuary for worship. I tried to appreciate the opportunity that I had been looking forward to all week but I needed to lie down. As I lay in the bed, trying to fall asleep, I was tossing and turning due to an irregular heartbeat and chest pains. I wasn’t sure if I should go to the hospital, so I began to pray. As I prayed and tried to calm down the pain kept getting worse. I decided that chest pain was nothing to take a chance with so I told Dave Allen about my pain and we decided that I should go to the hospital.

He sent Tammy Jo a text, hoping that she was still awake enough to hear her phone, asking her where the nearest hospital or urgent care was. I remember hearing him say, “Yes, it’s Tiffanie”. A few moments later he was off the phone and he told me she was on her way to take us to the hospital. As we waited, we prayed.

I remember Allyssa asking me if I wanted her to come. “I’ll go if you want me to”, she said. There was a part of me that wanted the comfort of a close friend, but I also knew we were all looking forward to spending as much time together as we could and that she loves music. I didn’t want her to miss out on the opportunity to worship with our friends. I told her that it was okay and that she should stay and maybe get some rest.
When Tammy Jo arrived, Dave and I hurried out to the car and Tammy Jo asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was really short of breath, felt nauseous and had a lot of chest pain. As she drove, she checked to see if I had a fever and kept asking questions about how I was feeling. Soon we arrived at the hospital.
The nurses gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack. The test was negative, so I waited and they put me in a room while they ran some tests. All night long Tammy Jo sat beside my bed. Every once in a while she would pace for a moment to help herself stay awake. She watched the heart monitor like it was her favorite soap opera (haha)! As I lay in the hospital, in a town I still couldn’t tell you the name of, I was scared. But my first thought, when I looked at Tammy Jo, was that this wonderful woman of God had spent the day preparing a space and a meal for sixteen people. If she wasn’t exhausted from that alone, it was now in the early morning hours of the following day and she was still awake. There was no doubt she was tired. I laid there convincing myself everything was going to be okay. I was in a hospital, right? Dave had gone to the waiting room to get some rest, so I told her she could go and rest too if she’d like. But she said she’d rather stay with me. Either way, I still felt bad that she was so tired. I thought maybe I should tell her that if she took Dave to get the car from the church she could go home and rest. As I turned and saw her sitting peacefully in the chair beside my bed, all I said was, “Thank you.” I knew that I was still scared and if she left I would feel alone. I wanted her to rest, but I needed her presence. In a moment of growth, I realized that I’m allowed to need people too.

When I heard Marie’s sermon on hypocrisy the lesson that God had for my life was solidified. I had been a hypocrite long enough. Sometimes people need you to be there for them, and that’s fine. Sometimes you need people to be there for you, and that’s okay too!

As I recovered in Dayton, I realized one other blessing God has provided me with during this experience. My mother passed away when I was fifteen. But because of His grace, His love, and His compassion for me surrounding my loss, He has never left me without a mother. When my mother first died, it was Michele. A couple of years later, it was Karen, Marie, and Malinda. And that night it was Tammy Jo.

In Christ,

This is my story, This is my song...

My story is my testimony. I tell my story as a witness and example of God’s love as it abounds in this world. My faith can provide hope and witness to the Gospel of the Christ, Jesus. I tell my story because it was my struggle, it was my fight, it was my gift. God did not have me experience these things so that I may be blessed, but so that I may bring witness to God’s blessings.

During the D.C. trip QuiQue Aviles said, “No one is going to sing your song for you so you have to sing it for yourself. Sometimes you have to write it. If you’ve got something to say, figure out a way to say it.” This is the poem that I wrote during his time with us.

“I was 15”

I was 15.

I walk into the room,
my mother
a hospital bed
a machine
another one

I was 15.

I stand beside the bed,
no strength
no movement
no breath
no life

I was 15.

My father had asked us,
keep her alive
allow her to die
uncomfortable silence
I answer

I was 15.

My father tells me “she’s gone”
I smile
there’s peace
there’s comfort
there’s God

I was 15.

I sit beside the bed
its okay
I say
for her
for me

I was 15.

Others come in the room,
they hug
I leave
they cry
I smile

I was 15.

As always…

In Christ,

When we say "never again", what do we mean "never again"?

I spent June 14th through June 19th in Washington D.C. as a part of the Next Generation Leadership Intern program. We went for a Mission and Justice Seminar on Immigration. It was hosted at the United Methodist Building on Capitol Hill. We also had the opportunity to visit Wesley Theological Seminary and the Holocaust Museum. At the end we were able to speak to the offices of Kilgroy and Voinovich on the issue of immigration. What a wonderful learning experience! Originally I was concerned that the group of interns would have a couple of personalities that would clash and make this trip difficult. As it turns out, many lifelong friendships were formed between people that I wouldn’t expect. The trip as a whole was a blessing.
The theme for the week was exemplified in Micah 6:8, Ephesians 4:1-6 and Matthew 23:23. They provided structure to our thoughts surrounding our calling as Christians and the idea of justice within the constructs of religion and theology. One of my thoughts throughout the week was, “If everyone who is able helps one who is unable, what would the world look like?” It is the responsibility of those who have, to help those who have not. The recognition of privilege is an important step towards justice and equality; especially unearned and unwanted privilege. Unfortunately, the recognition of privilege is often a step that is overlooked because the privileged become comfortable with their situation. Until you are compromised it is easy to be complacent. As quoted in the Holocaust Museum, Pastor Martin Neimoeller said, “First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out -- Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionist, and I did not speak out -- Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out -- Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me -- and there was no one left to speak for me.” This was a quote that was on the wall at the end of the permanent exhibit at the Holocaust Museum. It’s a perfect example of complacency. Does the fact that we live under, or are a part of, a suppressive system give us the right or privilege to become complacent to the system? I’d say no. But what does that mean for me, for us, for the people, for the nation?

Other memorable quotes and thoughts from the day we spent at the Holocaust Museum include one from Elie Wiesel, “When we say “never again”, what do we mean “never again”?” It makes me wonder how we continue to say that we would never become complacent to genocide and yet there is Darfur, Rwanda, Bosnia, etc. Genocide is not a problem of the past. It’s not a problem of tomorrow. It’s today’s problem. It’s our problem. So, when we say “never again”, what do we mean “never again”?

There was a temporary exhibit on propaganda. How much of today’s Jewish stereotype was influenced by Hitler? One thing I noticed was that the methods that Hitler used to persuade and coerce people to listen and follow him were the basic methods of persuasion studied in communication. Later that evening, during reflection, we discussed how those methods are also used by the church. At what point does the church shift from persuasion to coercion? What makes the church any different than Hitler? It can’t be because we think we’re right…Hitler thought he was right? So, when we say “never again”, what do we mean “never again”?

As we explored the immigration situation here in the U.S., I was reminded that during the Holocaust, when Jews tried to enter this country, we sent many back to Germany, even though we knew that they were refugees. To this day we continue to deport refugees back to the country they fled for numerous unnecessary reasons. Furthermore, once they are deported they can never return. So, when we say “never again”, what do we mean “never again”?

When we say "never again", what do we mean "never again"?

As always…

In Christ,

Thoughts on Annual Conference

The week of June 8th through June 11th, I was blessed to experience the West Ohio Annual Conference in Lakeside, Ohio. It was an enlightening experience. I stayed in the youth house as a NGL intern. Although politics are not my favorite thing to participate in, it was important for me to see how the United Methodist Church operates. I went to a couple of their sessions and it took all that I had to stay awake, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I should mention that the freedom the UMC offers its members, clergy and otherwise, is remarkable. The voice of the individual is powerful and recognized. It is a very open approach to religion and theology. I was blessed to be a witness to such a posture.

The worship services were outstanding! Ginghamsburg Praise Band and the Hope for Africa Children’s Choir led worship. The teachings were on leadership from different perspectives. Whether one was trying to understand biblical leadership or develop leaders there was something in the messages that spoke to you. Sue Nilson Kibbey was especially enlightening for me. She was pleasant to listen to without losing the passion in her voice. Both her and Mike Slaughter used short video stories on different topics to help the conference understand and visualize their message. I hope to create something similar for Central soon. It was a good example of using technology to enhance and enrich the Gospel. Many times technology can be used to put on a performance instead of bringing people closer to Christ. In my opinion, the videos were a great way to use technology to help glorify the Lord and His kingdom. A great example of leadership!

Another memorable moment during conference was the offering of school kits. It was amazing to see hundreds of people taking thousands of kits up on stage. It wasn’t much fun to move them off of the stage and on to a truck. Then move them from the truck into a storage room while packaging them for shipment. But it was a wonderful blessing for those at conference and the children who will receive the kits around the world!

The time I spent with the other interns and the youth at the house was wonderful. Even though the introvert in me wanted more time to rest and process information (which is what I think many youth leaders forget…not all youth need something to do all of the time!) I had a great time. A couple of mornings we went down to the dock for sunrise and then had breakfast/coffee together. The time of fellowship was priceless. It was the beginning of many lifelong friendships!

As always…

In Christ,