A few weeks ago, I drove to Columbus to have coffee with David Cofer, CEO of Cofer Consulting Solutions LLC. I made the trip because I wanted to get his feedback on my idea to start a consulting firm that specializes in multi-site development and change management for the local parish. After I described the idea to him, his first comment was, “Why don’t you set it up within the church instead of forming an outside agency?” When he said this my heart melted because I had thought about the possibility of building the practice within the church on my drive down.
During the drive back to Ada, I began to think about the blessing that God provided for my calling through that meeting. What God taught me was a lesson on affirmation of calling. My thoughts took me back to before I completely understood God’s calling for my life.
Before my summer internship at Central Ave. UMC, I had recognized my passion for multi-site development in the local parish. I remember believing, in my heart of hearts, that God wanted me to understand what it was like to be a leader in the local parish and that’s why He gave me the internship. When I shared this with the people around me they began to tell me that I was jumping to conclusions. For whatever reason everyone around me was convinced that I was (or am) supposed to be a pastor and that this summer’s internship was going to prove this to me. And, every time I tried to tell them what God was telling me they would turn it around and convince me that I was telling God what I wanted instead of listening. Their justification for all of this? God uses those around us to reveal our calling to us. In this context, this statement just seemed to rub me the wrong way. During my drive back to school, God revealed to me why.
You see, there is a difference between creating and affirming a calling. All of the people in my life who tried to tell me that I was wrong about God’s calling for my life were attempting to create a calling. It’s one thing to plant the seed, to mention that being a pastor is real option as a calling. However, trying to dissuade me from what I believe about my calling is an attempt to create a calling for my life. On the other hand, when God places something on my heart or a thought in my mind about something, and without any mention of it someone tells me exactly what I was thinking, that’s affirmation. This is what happened during my meeting with David Cofer. God affirmed my calling.
In essence, we just have to remember, that in order for a call to be affirmed it must first be discerned. Otherwise, it is simply being created. Unless, they are just planting a seed.
Psalm 119:125*
In Christ,
"For whatever reason everyone around me was convinced that I was (or am) supposed to be a pastor and that this summer’s internship was going to prove this to me."
ReplyDeleteTiffanie, don't morph your memories of the summer to include this as truth in your head. It may be that some other interns said this, or people in your family, etc. But I (your assigned mentor for the summer) never said that I thought you should be a pastor. I said MANY times, "You have the gifts to be a pastor, but I'm not sure that is your call... you have to discern that yourself." In fact, Jim and I talked, and I'm not sure he thought that was your calling either. So just to make it clear.
Here is why this is important (other than you are kind of re-writing your story): We tend to attribute to God what resonates with us.
read that sentence again... go ahead, I'll wait.
Although this is sometimes true and can become a helpful tool for discernment, it can be dangerous theology. We also tend to shape our past to fit into that picture. Just be careful of this.
I see this all the time in couples who break up and say, "But God brought us together! God told me to marry him!" Well... yeah. Maybe. Or, it may be that they wanted what they wanted and changed the story and circumstances (and their understanding of God's call) to fit the picture.
I think you are a gifted and talented woman. I think you are onto a good path of discernment in terms of your calling. Be diligent in listening. Hear what God is saying to you about all of life... how you approach life, work, relationships. Motives. Why things are important to you. Why people are important to you. Blessings.
(And let's set a time for you to share again.)
Hi Paul!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts and concerns. I know they are truly from your heart. I will be prayful and cautious of "re-writing" my past. However, I don't think thats what I'm doing in this case.
I was afraid that the statement you quoted would be interpreted incorrectly by some, so let me clarify. That statement was directly referring to things that happened before I ever went to Athens (read the beginning of that paragraph...it sets the context that statement). This summer, I was finally supported in the discernment of my calling and reconnecting with God. And, the same reason it is so important to you that I don't think you were pushing me to be a pastor, is the same reason other people pushing me became so frustrating. That's what I'm referring to by this statement.
There are people that I still don't talk to about my calling because literally everything I say is twisted into me being either a pastor (mostly people in the church) or a missionary in Africa (mostly my family, ask Kate...lol). No one from Central, especially you, fits this group of people (This is part of the reason, I think God may want me to move to Athens...side note). My frustration comes when all I want is encouragement to be patient and listen, and instead people try to tell me what God is saying.
I'm sorry if this post was misleading or confusing. I didn't want to point fingers, but I knew that would leave room for interpretation. I hope this clarification helps :~)
I also hope you know that I am still open to being a pastor (I just think there are other things that come before that stage of my life). I actually had an urge today to go to Seminary and become a pastor while I was sitting in my Early Christian Thought class talking about Augustine's Confessions...hehe. It will probably happen and it might be sooner than I think but I'm pretty sure its not next.
(And, you tell me, I'll be there...whatever God says to you, works for me!) ;~)
"My frustration comes when all I want is encouragement to be patient and listen, and instead people try to tell me what God is saying."
ReplyDeleteYea... people are like that. "God loves you and I have a wonderful plan for your life." Can you believe that some people actually say stuff like that? :)