True Affirmation

A few weeks ago, I drove to Columbus to have coffee with David Cofer, CEO of Cofer Consulting Solutions LLC. I made the trip because I wanted to get his feedback on my idea to start a consulting firm that specializes in multi-site development and change management for the local parish. After I described the idea to him, his first comment was, “Why don’t you set it up within the church instead of forming an outside agency?” When he said this my heart melted because I had thought about the possibility of building the practice within the church on my drive down. 

During the drive back to Ada, I began to think about the blessing that God provided for my calling through that meeting. What God taught me was a lesson on affirmation of calling. My thoughts took me back to before I completely understood God’s calling for my life.

Before my summer internship at Central Ave. UMC, I had recognized my passion for multi-site development in the local parish. I remember believing, in my heart of hearts, that God wanted me to understand what it was like to be a leader in the local parish and that’s why He gave me the internship. When I shared this with the people around me they began to tell me that I was jumping to conclusions. For whatever reason everyone around me was convinced that I was (or am) supposed to be a pastor and that this summer’s internship was going to prove this to me. And, every time I tried to tell them what God was telling me they would turn it around and convince me that I was telling God what I wanted instead of listening. Their justification for all of this? God uses those around us to reveal our calling to us.  In this context, this statement just seemed to rub me the wrong way. During my drive back to school, God revealed to me why.

You see, there is a difference between creating and affirming a calling. All of the people in my life who tried to tell me that I was wrong about God’s calling for my life were attempting to create a calling. It’s one thing to plant the seed, to mention that being a pastor is real option as a calling. However, trying to dissuade me from what I believe about my calling is an attempt to create a calling for my life. On the other hand, when God places something on my heart or a thought in my mind about something, and without any mention of it someone tells me exactly what I was thinking, that’s affirmation. This is what happened during my meeting with David Cofer. God affirmed my calling.

In essence, we just have to remember, that in order for a call to be affirmed it must first be discerned. Otherwise, it is simply being created. Unless, they are just planting a seed.

Psalm 119:125*

In Christ,

Reflections on Internship

Good afternoon all!

I'm sorry for neglecting the blog for a while now. As I was recovering from illness, the internship was coming to an end and my senior year at Ohio Northern was getting started, the blog fell on my list of priorities. The internship concluded with a number of changes in my life and my future.

I have decided that at this point in my life God is not calling me into ordained ministry. It is not something that I will never again consider, but at this point it will not be the next step that I take.

I'm truly feeling a call into multi-site development and change management within the local parish. Multi-site pursuits are attractive right now partially because of the cost reductions and resource utility that results. However, many times the church makes common mistakes during the organizational change process that result in excess spending instead of savings. One of the reasons and possibly the most common reason multi-site ventures fail or stumble is the lack of effective cultural change within the organization. It is something that can easily be overlooked. However, cultural change must be the first step in creating efficient and effective change that can be maintained. The posts that follow will elaborate on this issue and evidence of God's calling in my life.

Upon returning to school, I immediately dropped my religion major to a minor and picked up a minor in entrepreneurship. This is simply in an effort to better prepare myself for what God has in store for my life. The previously declared religion major is not completely necessary if I decide to go to seminary (which is probably not going to happen right away). The addition of the entrepreneurship minor provides me with the opportunity to gain some business knowledge and work on a business plan for the West Ohio Conference of the UM Church in pursuing multi-site development.

As usual I have a number of different things going on at once. I really want to host a lecture series on student to professional development through my involvement with Lambda Pi Eta (the communication honorary). I'm also actively working on a case-study research paper on multi-site development. I'm leading a small group, playing golf, sitting on the Student Advisory Board and working at Lima Senior High School.

As I continue my pursuit of God's will for my life, I humbly ask all of you for prayer. Pray that I will leverage and prioritize my life properly, that I will continue to receive guidance and remain in constant discernment. If there is anything that God leads you to do for or say to me, please, please listen. Thank you and as always...

In Christ,

Hypocrite? Really?

I have never considered myself to be much of a hypocrite. Last week I spent most of the week at home in Dayton because I was sick. In between doctor’s appointments I was able to spend some time in reflection about the week before. In addition, I attended service at the Miller Lane campus of Stillwater UMC (my home church).

Stillwater is currently doing a series on “Stupid Christians” and last week was on hypocrites. Marie Smith gave an example from her life when it was apparent that she was being a hypocrite. She has always preached and taught on living in community. She has also always been willing to fill the needs of many people in the community with a loving and open heart. In this story, however, the roles were reversed. Someone had offered to help Marie with a need that they noticed she had and she immediately turned them away by telling them that the help wasn’t needed. It was in this moment that someone pulled Marie aside and “ripped her mask off”. This person told Marie that she has always taught others to live in community and care for each other but as soon as someone tried to care for her, she didn’t practice what she was preaching. Essentially, she was being a hypocrite.

I have always been that person too. I’m never too busy or too tired to help someone in need. It doesn’t matter if that need is food and shelter, or a hug and a smile. But when others try to help me, to be there for me, I’m always the first person to turn them away. Before Marie’s sermon I always thought that was a good thing, now I know differently.

See, the week prior to this, the week of July 12th, the ’09 interns went on the Seminary Tour. It was an amazing week but I’ll give my critiques about the trip as a whole in a separate post. Right now I really just want to talk about the last day. Unfortunately, I spent that day sick. That evening we spent some time at Tammy Jo’s house. She was kind enough to open her house for dinner and fellowship, and I did my best to enjoy it. But as I said, I didn’t feel well.

That night the group was staying at Sharonville UMC. Once we settled in to our respective sleeping quarters, most everyone gathered in the sanctuary for worship. I tried to appreciate the opportunity that I had been looking forward to all week but I needed to lie down. As I lay in the bed, trying to fall asleep, I was tossing and turning due to an irregular heartbeat and chest pains. I wasn’t sure if I should go to the hospital, so I began to pray. As I prayed and tried to calm down the pain kept getting worse. I decided that chest pain was nothing to take a chance with so I told Dave Allen about my pain and we decided that I should go to the hospital.

He sent Tammy Jo a text, hoping that she was still awake enough to hear her phone, asking her where the nearest hospital or urgent care was. I remember hearing him say, “Yes, it’s Tiffanie”. A few moments later he was off the phone and he told me she was on her way to take us to the hospital. As we waited, we prayed.

I remember Allyssa asking me if I wanted her to come. “I’ll go if you want me to”, she said. There was a part of me that wanted the comfort of a close friend, but I also knew we were all looking forward to spending as much time together as we could and that she loves music. I didn’t want her to miss out on the opportunity to worship with our friends. I told her that it was okay and that she should stay and maybe get some rest.
When Tammy Jo arrived, Dave and I hurried out to the car and Tammy Jo asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was really short of breath, felt nauseous and had a lot of chest pain. As she drove, she checked to see if I had a fever and kept asking questions about how I was feeling. Soon we arrived at the hospital.
The nurses gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack. The test was negative, so I waited and they put me in a room while they ran some tests. All night long Tammy Jo sat beside my bed. Every once in a while she would pace for a moment to help herself stay awake. She watched the heart monitor like it was her favorite soap opera (haha)! As I lay in the hospital, in a town I still couldn’t tell you the name of, I was scared. But my first thought, when I looked at Tammy Jo, was that this wonderful woman of God had spent the day preparing a space and a meal for sixteen people. If she wasn’t exhausted from that alone, it was now in the early morning hours of the following day and she was still awake. There was no doubt she was tired. I laid there convincing myself everything was going to be okay. I was in a hospital, right? Dave had gone to the waiting room to get some rest, so I told her she could go and rest too if she’d like. But she said she’d rather stay with me. Either way, I still felt bad that she was so tired. I thought maybe I should tell her that if she took Dave to get the car from the church she could go home and rest. As I turned and saw her sitting peacefully in the chair beside my bed, all I said was, “Thank you.” I knew that I was still scared and if she left I would feel alone. I wanted her to rest, but I needed her presence. In a moment of growth, I realized that I’m allowed to need people too.

When I heard Marie’s sermon on hypocrisy the lesson that God had for my life was solidified. I had been a hypocrite long enough. Sometimes people need you to be there for them, and that’s fine. Sometimes you need people to be there for you, and that’s okay too!

As I recovered in Dayton, I realized one other blessing God has provided me with during this experience. My mother passed away when I was fifteen. But because of His grace, His love, and His compassion for me surrounding my loss, He has never left me without a mother. When my mother first died, it was Michele. A couple of years later, it was Karen, Marie, and Malinda. And that night it was Tammy Jo.

In Christ,

This is my story, This is my song...

My story is my testimony. I tell my story as a witness and example of God’s love as it abounds in this world. My faith can provide hope and witness to the Gospel of the Christ, Jesus. I tell my story because it was my struggle, it was my fight, it was my gift. God did not have me experience these things so that I may be blessed, but so that I may bring witness to God’s blessings.

During the D.C. trip QuiQue Aviles said, “No one is going to sing your song for you so you have to sing it for yourself. Sometimes you have to write it. If you’ve got something to say, figure out a way to say it.” This is the poem that I wrote during his time with us.

“I was 15”

I was 15.

I walk into the room,
my mother
a hospital bed
a machine
another one

I was 15.

I stand beside the bed,
no strength
no movement
no breath
no life

I was 15.

My father had asked us,
keep her alive
allow her to die
uncomfortable silence
I answer

I was 15.

My father tells me “she’s gone”
I smile
there’s peace
there’s comfort
there’s God

I was 15.

I sit beside the bed
its okay
I say
for her
for me

I was 15.

Others come in the room,
they hug
I leave
they cry
I smile

I was 15.

As always…

In Christ,